The Sound of the Planets

I've been interested in space since the 5th grade. It used to be my all-consuming desire to be an astronaut which was, in no doubt, due to the influence of the Star Wars movies. I've since moved on to more realistic life goals: win an Oscar before I turn 30, cure cancer before I turn 40 and drop kick a walrus before I turn 50. Astronaut was out.

Despite relinquishing my space based career, I have maintained a thirst for all things space related. I'm sure many of my future posts will be on this topic, but this particular write-up is about the sounds of the planets.

In the early 80's, the Voyager satellites, on their journey beyond our solar system, inclined their electronic ears toward the gas giants and a few Jovian moons. What they heard is absolutely terrifying.

Sound does not travel in space, it's true. The audio transmissions were the combined result of a number of detectors: magnetometers, radio wave receivers, etc. Similar to radio waves (which are actually light waves at enormous wavelengths) caught by antennae and converted into an electric signal, so too did the Voyagers translate the electromagnetic flux of select heavenly bodies into sound. I'll start with the least nightmarish:

NEPTUNE: This, the eighth planet from the sun, doesn't sound scary at all. In fact, I think it sounds a bit like a rain-forest sound-scape minus the really obnoxious birds that just like to show off. I imagine that Neptune is so mellow due to it's distance from the sun. All in all, a sort of relaxing audio canvas...

Listen to Neptune.

URANUS: Moving one planet closer to the sun, we seem to get a bit more activity. Still not too scary: imagine the rain-forest sound-scape from Neptune and combine it with a the lonely sound of a highway overpass in the middle of the night with the occasional semi cruising by. Throw in a couple grasshopper noises and maybe the sound of some serial killer swinging a tow rope over his head - that might get you close to what this sounds like...

Listen to Uranus.

MIRANDA: This is a moon in the Uranus system. This one's not too bad either. I would describe it as the sound you'd get when taking a microphone out into a really windy blizzard. There are some parts where the volume peaks, however, that sound a bit more like a myriad of tortured souls screaming for mercy. This is where the creepy begins...

Listen to Miranda.

JUPITER: This planet is the king of our solar system. It's 317 times the mass of the Earth and projects a massive magnetosphere. As active and as large as Jupiter is, the sounds are minimal though not too relaxing. Imagine the blizzard sound again, but thrown in the mournful wail of La Llorona as she searches for the bodies of her drowned kids down by the river. There's also an occasional church bell sound that rings out faintly as though in the distance...

Listen to Jupiter.

IO: This Jovian moon looks like the acne ridden face of McDonald's fry cook. The boiling surface is littered with volcanoes that erupt their molten pus miles above the surface. All this geothermal activity means that Io should have a lot to say, and it does. The sound sent back by Voyager can best be described as a 747, with two failing engines, coming in for a landing at Mach 12. Then it sounds as though the plane changes it's mind once the pilot realizes that the runway is blanketed with giant locust swarms that have just begun to awaken. I'm pretty sure I hate Io...

Listen to Io.

SATURN: Oh God. This is so terrifying I can't listen to it for more than a few seconds. If hell has a sound, this is it. Take a pack of starving, hell-born wolves and set them loose in an auditorium full of special-ed children and you may be somewhere in the vicinity of this sound...

Listen to Saturn.

EARTH: This may be hard to believe, but the most terrifying sounds in the solar system emanate from our own beloved planet. When the Voyagers first began their journey in the late 70's and early 80's they tested their instruments on Earth. This is what they heard, prepare yourself for the most horrific sound you will ever experience...

Listen to Earth.

Thanks for reading :)